Mid First Week Report

As usual, my plan is not going off without a hitch, but it's okay. :)

Monday and Tuesday went very well, and I've been doing pretty well with my macros all week, but I haven't gotten my workouts in as I was planning. Today is cheat day. YAY.

See, Wednesdays and Thursdays are a little crazy for us. Wednesday, we have dance classes from 5:30-7:00. Thursdays, Matt works a full day at the hospital, comes home and tries to sleep before going to his home care job overnight and straight to another full day at the hospital Friday morning. It's crazy. So, that kinda threw off the workout schedule.

As far as my new Plexus journey, my box arrived yesterday!!! Matt and I are splitting it for now until we can afford to get 2 Triplex combo packs per month. I had my first official Slim pink drink yesterday, and we both took a ProBio5 (their probiotic)with dinner. This morning, we both took 2 BioCleanse capsules, and Matt took 2 Xfactor capsules. Well, we are both feeling the cleanse already... especially Matt... at work... Sorry, honey!

I am so happy school is almost over! The next big thing is our dance recital. We have 5 children performing this year, and I'm in 2 performances myself! It will be quite a day!!

Anyway, I hope you are all taking care of your own O2 masks! Have a great day!

My egg whites didn't turn out too bad ;)

New Before Pics and Day One of MY Journey Begins!

I am so excited to begin MY journey today. I put that in all caps everytime to constantly remind me to own it. Own this journey. Own this plan. Own my motivation. This is MY journey this time.

I am currently 150 lbs. My goal is 130 lbs. I had Matt take new before pics for me. I am trying to focus on looking ahead to future gains, not on all I lost... So, posting these requires some bravery. I have to reject all the feelings of shame that I'm tempted to feel. It's not because I'm just ashamed of how I look. It's because I lost so much that I'd worked so hard for. So, please do not think that I think a 150 lb 5'4" woman is in terrible shape. No body shaming here, and that has to start with not body shaming myself. <3 Oh, I should take measurements too. I'll have to do that next time.

I lost my food scale. So, I'm just using measuring cups for now.

After the kids got home from school, and we picked up our new fish from a neighbor, we all piled in the van to meet Daddy at the YMCA. Boy, that childcare is a total game changer!

I didn't want to do my floor exercises in front of everyone at the gym. So, I hit all the leg machines they have. I did one set of 20 at a challenging weight. Then, did one more set of 20 at one level heavier. I also did 15 minutes on the good old stairstepper. I got 50 floors in. 

After the YMCA, we got Little Caesars for the kids since we were pressed for time. We dropped off the 3 that had a dance class. Then, Matt went to Applebee's to get us some salads (Grilled Chicken caesar). I took all the croutons off of mine and didn't use the dressing. It was so good!!

When we got home, I jumped down to the basement with Isaiah and did my floor exercises. Wow! good workout!! Give it a try! Just switch the sets and reps. They got those switched around!

So, here's my day in my notebook. As you can see, Selah got a hold of it. I was under my protein, and over my carbs and fats. Not too shabby for day one, though!!

Whew!! I worked hard today!!!

MY Journey. I'm getting excited!!

I am old school. I like to write things down in a notebook rather than use an app. I took that screenshot of Jessica Enslow's plan, and plugged in my own info. She uses iifym.com to calculate her macros. It's very simple except at the end after it asks where to send your macros, enter your name and email, but continue on the site. Use the sliders to adjust your percentages.

This is exciting! It's already empowering to see this start to come together. This mama is no longer in autopilot. I am owning this!!

Now, I need to plan my workouts.

Check out Jessica Enslow's plan on her YouTube video HERE.

Making the Journey Mine

Okay. Here it goes...

Last year was great. Last year, I started seeing that I could be stronger and more fit than I thought I could be. I started weight training. I started learning about macros. All of my progress came to an abrupt halt due to circumstances beyond my control. Then, I just slowly quit. I quit calculating my macros. I quit working out. I quit blogging. I just got so discouraged.

Well, I'm ready to move on now and make my health and fitness journey my own. It's very good to give credit where credit is due, but as one of my midwives taught me, the greatest coaches teach you that it's all about you, and you don't really need them to succeed. The greatest coaches empower you; they don't use you to promote themselves.

So, I've gained 15lbs over the last 9 months, and I've lost any muscle development I'd gained. All the kids are odd numbered ages now:13, 11, 9, 7, 5, 3, and 1.5; and we recently joined the YMCA as a family. It's nice. Free childcare makes a huge difference!

I have to do this. I will do this. I put too much stock in a person and I gave that person way too much credit for my success. The truth is that I worked my butt off last year. I pushed myself. I dedicated myself to following a meal plan. I am grateful for the tools that were given to me to succeed, but I did the work. It is important for me to remember that.

I found another mom of 7 on Instagram named Jessica Enslow. She is in amazing shape, and since she's a little older than I am, a little shorter than I am, and has had as many babies, I feel like what she does is something I could do too. I am going to start here.

I also signed up with Plexus today. I hope these health products help me have more energy and maybe I'll be able to even get off my antidepressant. Who knows. I just know that my body needs some recuperation after 14.5 years of pregnancies and breastfeeding for almost all that time.

I have to prove this to myself, and I will. I hope you're all doing well. It's really nice to be back.

Here are some pics from this evening. I did legs and abs with Isaiah. Selah got in on it too!

Baby Fist Bump! Let's do this!

ENOUGH.

An example of my nutrition level lately

Last Friday, I rejoined my original gym. My family and I weren't the only ones to be hurt. The whole situation is sad and upsetting, but it's time to get over it and move forward. I told my kids that we need to be kind, be ready to forgive, and still have healthy boundaries with people who have shown themselves to be untrustworthy. There is no reason to carry any guilt or fear. I did nothing wrong. In fact, I did a lot of things right, and I know I was a good friend.

I can't let anyone manipulate me into feeling guilt when I am not guilty. I cannot let myself succumb to fear. I cannot let someone control my goals, my drive, or my plans for myself or my family like this. It has to stop.

So, I say, ENOUGH.

I got 35 minutes of cardio in yesterday. I have my belly dance class tonight. I will just start with being active everyday. I need to get back to eating healthier too. I've been inactive and unhealthy for more than 2 months now. It's time to get back on it.

Not a long post today, but an important one.

Get up, Mama.It's time to get that oxygen mask back on!

I Am Absolutely Loving Dance!

Last night, I joined a jazz dance class! Last year, I did belly dance, and I loved it! Since we have 5 children taking dance classes this year, we are up to the unlimited class level. So, I thought I'd add a class for myself. I mean, why not, right?! I am so glad I did! I only started dancing last year as a 35 year old woman. I had no idea how much it would mean to me. Dancing is such a beautiful art expression. It's fun, a great stress reliever, and dancing with a group of women creates a sisterhood that I really need in my life. Not to mention how it provides the regular time out of the house that I desperately need for myself!

For the last month, I have been trying to pick myself up, brush myself off, and get going in my fitness again. It has been hard to be motivated, but I have to be gracious to myself and recognize that I needed some time to grieve the loss of a friend and the loss of the gym and weight training (at least for now).  I started The 21 Day Fix, but I let myself keep missing days. I started The Whole30, but after daily gorging myself on nuts and fruit, I quit. I need to decide what I'm doing and stick to it! Being self motivated is not easy!

Last night, my jazz class was just the thing I needed. We spent a lot of time stretching, and then tried some new (to me) dance steps. It was great. I feel like God is giving me the gift of dance, and I am so thankful. Belly dance starts next Tuesday!!

As far as the kids: Daisy and Silas are in a combo ballet tap class. It's adorable, and they are loving it. Malakai, Eli, and Ana are all doing acro, and Ana is doing ballet of course. I am so thankful for our dance studio, the teachers, the other dancers, and the other dance families. Dance is a wonderful part of God's creation. I'm loving this part of myself I never discovered before! Here's to another wonderful dance year!

I am going to get going on the 21 Day Fix again, and stick with it this time. I gotta keep myself in shape for my dance classes!

*All the pictures in this post are from our dance classes last year taken by Cheryl Keeran. (Daisy jumped in with Ana for one of her ballet pics <3 )

Day 3. Everything is going to be okay.

Over the last couple weeks (or has it been 3 weeks now?), I have been so down because I have felt very robbed of a friendship and a part of my life that brought me a lot of joy. For some reason, I feel like I have things in a better perspective today, and I just thank my God for that.

I miss the gym. I do. Going to the gym forced me and my support network to make time for me to focus on ME. I had scheduled sessions. I had goals. My husband, my mother in law, and my kids all supported me. It was amazing. I had so much positivity all around me. No wonder it wasn't a struggle to stick with it. It wasn't just the personal physical "gains", it was all the praise. Huge lesson here: Do not let yourself be motivated by the praise of others. Doing that is just building your house on sand, and houses built on sand will not stand up to the storms that will come.

Here are some awesome truths about my oxygen mask I learned in my 4 short months at the gym:

First, I really need to prioritize making time for myself without the kids away from the house once or twice a week.  Regularly making time for myself without the kids was truly life changing. Just because I am not going to the gym right now doesn't mean that has to stop. 

Second, my nutrition affects my whole family. Let me repeat that: MY nutrition affects my whole family. If I eat well, I am a much better wife and mom. If I eat garbage or don't eat, I am a total mess. It is not loving self sacrifice. It is self neglect, and it inhibits my ability to serve my family well. 

Third, it is vital to treat myself with love and respect if I am going to grow in any way. When I got so down, I immediately started neglecting and abusing myself. I think a lot of us do that. Why is that? It must be because we lost sight of loving and respecting ourselves along the way.

Fourth, don't let fear motivate you. Just don't. Let yourself be stretched. You will be better for it.

Lastly, I want to reiterate the big lesson I mentioned above: Do not let yourself be motivated by the praise of others. Be encouraged, yes, but do not let that praise become your motivation to reach your goals or follow your dreams. Your goals are YOURS. Your dreams are YOURS. Don't let anyone steal that from you. 

Good good thoughts on my heart today. Praising my Jesus for shining His light of truth in my heart.

Today was my day 3 in The 21 Day Fix: Lower Fix. It's a good workout! It was more challenging today because my little Selah was at my feet, but Matt was there to help. So, that was good!!  I can stick with this for 21 days. I got this. :)

This was also our second day on Whole30. It's already feeling so good to eat healthy! The biggest thing for me so far has been my coffee. Yesterday, I had unsweetened vanilla almond milk in it. Today, I tried coconut oil. I did not expect to like it, but it was surprisingly okay! Better than the almond milk, for sure.

Stew: ground beef, sweet potatoes, spinach,
 onion, salsa, and seasonings.

That's it for today! I hope something here encouraged you. I don't know who you are, but I know the God who made you to be your unique self. It is honoring to Him to treat ourselves with love and respect. Take care of yourself today, okay? I'm rooting for you!

Sticks and Stones

It has been about 2 weeks since I worked out or paid much attention to my nutrition. It has been a heavy couple of weeks. Last Friday after some kind strong words of wisdom from my husband, I was encouraged and inspired to get back on my game, but things really fell apart for me quickly. I didn't realize that I was letting myself be completely driven by the approval and praise of one individual. Although it has been very painful, it is good that that weakness has been revealed in me. I made this picture a few days ago to illustrate how I've been feeling lately:

Nobody should have that much power over me. All those thoughts oppressing me are from Satan. I've worked too hard to give it all up now. I don't feel comfortable going to any gym right now. I need to do something different. So, I am going to give Beachbody workout videos a try. I'm mainly doing it because of the great community and support network that comes with it. My friend is a coach. She is in incredible shape, and I really look up to her as a Christian woman and mom. I'm going to join her team for a while. I'm trying to be optimistic. I just need time to adjust and re acclimate. I still don't have the motivation and drive I need to succeed, but I'm in a growing process right now. I look forward to my spirit getting stronger even more than I look forward to my body getting toned and strong.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." is a total lie. Words can be life-giving or cancer-spreading to your spirit. They can drive you to succeed or devastate you. I cannot express how thankful I am for my husband. His gentle loving words of truth are an anchor for me while I am in this storm. 

Heartbreak and Resolve

Over the last 4 months, I have had the opportunity to work with an outstanding personal trainer. I have lost about 30 pounds, gained a lot of strength, and learned a lot about fitness nutrition. If you've read my blog, you know how much I appreciate all I've gained from my trainer, not to mention how my whole family has grown to love and respect him.

My last post was about switching gyms. I don't regret that decision. It's is a much better fit for our family. It has a nice play area for the kids, and it's significantly less expensive.

I am very sad to say that I no longer have my trainer.  He is going through some hard things with a previous employer, and no longer wishes to train me or Matt. For about a week, I have been so discouraged, feeling like scrapping it all and never setting foot in a gym again. I ate 5 brownies one day, 2 servings of ice cream another day, and quit recording my macros. My only motivation has been to crawl into a hole and hide for a while. Yesterday, I actually started getting physically ill under the stress of it all. Okay, yes, it might have also had something to do with my bad food choices lately, but still. I haven't just lost a trainer, I've lost a friend.

Yesterday, I posted this on my facebook account:

I love people. I am quickly defensive of my friends and loyal to a fault. My heart is on my sleeve, always open, and trusts too easily. Most of the time this is a good thing, but sometimes it hurts especially when there are situations completely out of my control. My heart is so broken right now. I can't fix this. Sorry for being so vague. I just hope those who know what's going on will see this.

Matt has been advising me not to give up on my goals and dreams, not to throw away all the work I've done.  Last night, something he said truly reached my heart. I asked him if he thought this situation should harden me a bit, and he said this (paraphrased): "I think you need to put more value in everything that you put in people. Not just your trust, but yourself, your friendship you give people. When you develop a relationship with someone, you begin to pour yourself into that person. The deeper that friendship goes the more you invest. You advocate for them. You fight for them. You love and support them. Sometimes you challenge them to help them grow. Do not give that away so quickly or easily. Make them actually earn it. It is a very valuable part of you for someone to have."

So, this morning, I feel new resolve. I am not going to stop loving people with an open heart. I am just going to stop expecting so much from them on a personal level so quickly. I'm going to try to apply more grace and wisdom with how I approach my relationships, and be less reckless with my heart.

As far as my fitness journey, I am claiming it. My trainer has taught me well, and I have learned well. I would not have gotten this far without him, but I am on my own now. He led the way, but he did not carry me. I've worked very hard. I have been committed to following the plan. I have pushed myself to reach or exceed the goals he set for me in those workouts. My hands held those weights. My legs did those squats. My drive kept me going. He has been an excellent trainer and teacher to me, and I want to give him all the credit he is due, but this has not been his journey. It has been my journey, and it's still my journey now.

@jessicaenslowfit

So, here's the plan. I can't afford another trainer, for sure. So, from now on, I will be applying what I've learned and building on that.  I actually found another mom of 7 on Instagram who strength trains: @jessicaenslowfit . She's a little older than I am, and she's in great shape. A couple weeks ago, I asked my trainer how long it would take to reach her level of fitness, and he said 8-16 weeks. So, I'm shooting for 12. She recently shared a video about her fitness and nutrition plan. I'm going to start with that as a template for myself.

When I told the kids what had happened yesterday, their first thoughts were, "But who's gonna train us at the park now?! Hey mom, you can train us. You've learned a lot. You can make a good kids workout for us!"

And there it is. If they believe in me, I have to believe in me too.

I hurt badly for the situation my trainer has found himself in. I will pray for all involved, and I will be here ready to be a great friend if he ever wants my friendship again. Meanwhile, I have a beautiful family that needs me to live my life. They need me to be strong for them. They need me to be strong for me. I can do this. I have to do this.

Now, let's go.