Joy on a Crazy Monday Morning (Mom, you're gonna love this one)

Right now, Selah is in her pack n play right next to me screaming. I just nursed her and changed her. She just wants me, and that's okay, but sometimes Mommy needs a break!  ---Just as I was writing that, Silas came in, put a little drum and little drumstick in the pack n play for Selah, and she's happy now. Praise Jesus for thoughtful siblings!!

I wanted to write this morning because my heart has been just overflowing with joy and gratitude and love.  I've been very stressed about getting our house refinanced because it means a guy has to come do a walk through. I just wanted the house to look it's best. Well, it's not going to look how I want it to look, and I will be hiding the dirty laundry in black trash bags in the shed...

Okay, but listen. Even though the house is messy, dishes are mounting high in the sink, and we are in the middle of repainting the dining room, we had Matt's brothers over last night for poker night.  It was so fun! Instead of letting the messy house control our plans, we chose to enjoy our brothers. We needed that time catching up, laughing, and just being together. It had been way too long. That sink full of dishes didn't even matter.

This morning, I wanted to get up early, take a very needed shower, and finally get some clean clothes on myself.  Instead, Matt and I overslept, the milk was almost gone, Isaiah missed his bus, and we couldn't find Matt's coffee cup... just to name a few mishaps!

Normally, I would've been a total wreck, in tears, probably shouting, and everyone would be miserable, but not this morning. When we overslept, Matt came over and just held me. He told me how he loved me so much and snuggled his face in my cheek. For some reason, my spirit remained joyful as we ushered our kids through getting ready for school. I got the coffee made, helped them find their shoes, and made time to sit with Matt and tell him how I wish he knew how much I loved him and how I wished time would just stop so I could just stare at his face and hold him all day. Even though he had to get to work, he got Eli's prophy treatment done.

We were running too late for the kids to walk to school. Isaiah missed his bus. Ana was a little grumpy because Daisy had kept her up last night. However, we just laughed about it. Happy Monday, Reeves family!!

I believe God was showing me something. He was showing me all the joy I miss when I let my circumstances control me. I would've missed out on that fun time with Matt's brothers last night. I would've missed out on Matt's affection this morning. I would've missed those little smiles; in fact, I would've snuffed them out. I would've missed seeing the principal give my Ana a look to match her grumpy face and make her smile on her way into school. I would've missed Daisy dancing to the music on the radio. I would've missed teasing Isaiah about our being his bus today and enjoying that extra time with him on the 15 minute ride to his school. I would've missed that sassy preteen look he gives me, and feeling that tug in my heart as I watched him walk into the school and down the hall. Yes, I sat there and watched him! Don't judge me! ;)

There is much freedom in this lesson. I am not a prisoner to my circumstances. I can be happy when life is a mess. I can be free! I have been living in an unlocked prison cell; but wow, it sure feels locked when my postpartum depression kicks in.

In the process of writing this, Selah has had more episodes of crankiness, I have picked her up and nursed her 2 or 3 times. Daisy and Silas just got in a fight over applesauce. I confess, I did yell, but when I'm nursing the baby in the next room, it's not easy to get over to them and physically break up the fight. Oh well. Onward in this joy journey on this crazy Monday! Circumstances do not control me. I can choose joy. Yes, Mom. I said it. You've waited 36 years for this. ;) I hope this encourages someone else to courageously choose joy in the midst of chaos today.

. . .Now, about that shower. . .