How My Mom Saved Me From an Eating Disorder

See how fat I was. . . ?

I remember the first time. I had scooped up some of my mom's white fluffy frosting with an Oreo, and ate it. It was so good, but I immediately felt a panic inside me. You see, I was fat. I was SO FAT, and that Oreo with frosting was going to add to my fat. I had to get it out! I had to run. So, upstairs, in my bathroom, I gagged myself and got it out. I felt a huge rush. I had control over that Oreo and frosting. I ate it, but I got rid of it before it hurt me.

I was maybe 16 or 17 years old, and I was about 105 lbs. I ate very little, and I purged several more times over the next few years. My mom and my sister noticed first. I was already thin, but still losing weight. My jaw and collarbone were really showing it. I was afraid of food.

My mom was amazing. Instead of crying or scolding me or lecturing me on how wrong I was for thinking I was fat, she took me in to a hospital that had a special machine that measured body fat. I got my swimsuit on, and got in the machine. It was a large glass box with a bench seat. I sat down. Water filled up all around me. I breathed all the air out of my lungs, and put my head under. Then, jets of air shot all over me from the walls of the box. Soon, it was done, I lifted my head, breathed in, and the water receded. The test results measured a very healthy body fat percentage. My mom knew that nothing less would help me believe that I was not fat.

I didn't immediately recover from my eating disorder, but I'll never forget what my mom did to save me from myself.

Older, wiser, and getting stronger

Twenty years later, I am learning the correct way to think of food, weight, and my body. Good food is my fuel. I am loving working out, and I am seeing results a lot faster than I thought I would. FYI: I am down a pant size!!! My large workout pants weren't fitting as well. So, I tried on the mediums that I haven't been able to wear yet. They fit!!

I am not only getting healthier and stronger in my body, but also in my mind. I know that I can control and change my body into what I want it to be. I can control my food choices. I can control my portion sizes. I can control my activity level. Taking control of my health and fitness is teaching me self control, and I am excited to see what else in my life will start to flourish as I develop this character trait.

I want to end with thanking my mom. My life could've been shortened or very different if she didn't handle things with such gentleness and wisdom back then. Thank you, Mom. I love you so much, and it still means the world to me that you went to all that trouble to show me the facts about my body. You will never know how much that impacted my life.