No More Looking Down.

My second day of training went so much better than my first day! I remembered to eat some good protein before I went, and that made a big difference. I've noticed a major issue with myself, though. It's funny how challenging yourself physically reveals so much about you psychologically.

When I'm training, we work in a corner fully lined with mirrors. I hate this. I would rather work with no mirrors, but there they are. I'm surrounded. I know from my daughter's (and now my) dance classes that the mirrors are to help you make sure you have the correct form for the different moves. I don't use the mirrors for that. First, I tried to just turn away, but when my trainer told me to face the mirror, I mostly just look down at my feet.  I am embarrassed to look at myself in the mirror. I feel shame because I don't look how I want to look.

Then, yesterday, I realized how stupid that was. Completely and utterly STUPID.

I'm ashamed to look at my body?? What? My body that has carried 8 lives in the last 13 years? My body that has endured the pain of miscarriage, and the powerful force of childbirth 7 times over? My body that has produced countless gallons of life sustaining milk (aka liquid gold) for my 7 babies? My body that has spent over a decade sleeping with, nurturing, walking, bouncing, changing, wearing, feeding, and caring for my 7 babies? When I think about all that, being ashamed of my body makes about as much sense as a wounded and scarred veteran being ashamed of her body after many years of service.

NO MORE

My body is absolutely amazing and worthy of my respect. I am starting a new chapter of my life where I am choosing to make my physical and emotional health a top priority, but that also needs to include being proud of what I've already accomplished and how my body reveals that.

Every one of my many stretch marks is a testament to every one of my children and the love I have for them. The extra fat stores I have serve my babies well by making all that rich milk for their nutrition. Yes, I want to and need to lose about 30 lbs, and I want to be stronger, but Sarah, don't you dare look down when you're in front of that mirror again. You look yourself in the eye or check your form with the different exercises, and you do it with respect. And when you reach your goals, do not look to your past self with shame. Remember all the amazing feats your body has accomplished to become the beautiful motherly mess that it is, and continue to do new amazing feats to change your body into what you want it to become. You've got this. You've already proven that you are a force to be reckoned with.

NOW LOOK IN THAT MIRROR.

*Every body has a story. Your story will be different than mine, but my body's story is what I need to consider just like your body's story is what you need to consider.